OT: The Truth about elves!

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Hang on to your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride. I'm quoting from another forum I'm on - I figured you guys would find this summation funny.

The Laws of Mary-Sueism:

1: All Mary Sues shall have long, flowing hair. Waist-length is a minimum.
1a: Said hair must never be the least bit disordered or dirty.
2: All Mary Sues shall have perfect figures.
3: All Mary Sues shall have perfect singing voices.
4: All Mary Sues must be either completly capable of completing any task that comes up, so as to completly displace the original main characters, or;
4a: All other Mary Sues must be completly incompetent, but completly sweet-tempered, such that nothing, no matter how stressfull, brings out more than a cute pout of the lips and perhaps some sighs and dramatically sad statements as they bear up under the load of not being universally loved, generally due to a tragic missunderstanding - Either that, or said critic is a horribly evil person.
5: All Mary Sues must have more vowels than constanants in their names, so as to be properly feminine.
6: More than three names is perferable.
7: Mary Sues in the later stages of Sueism will slowly become related to one or more members of the cast.

The laws of Elves:

1: All Elves have long, flowing hair - Generally, between the shoulders and the waiist.
1a: Elves' hair never gets disordered or dirty.
2: All Elves are beutifull.
3: All Elves have perfect singing voices.
4: All Elves are either compotent,
4a: Or completly helpless. In any case, anyone who hates Elves is *Always* evil or a dwarf.
5: All Elves have names with lots of vowels, or at least a soft sound.
6: Elves often have multiple names in different places.
7: Elves are often either related to important members of the cast or are important members of the cast in their own right.

Conclusion: Elveses are Mary Sues.

1: Elves have pointed ears. Cats have pointed ears.
2: Elves have perfect grooming. Cats have perfect grooming.
3: Elves like to perch in trees and pounce on intruders. Cats like to perch in trees and pounce on intruders.
4: Elves carefully select the humans they like. Cats carefully select the humans they like.
5: Elves are aloof and composed - Or pretend they are. Cats are aloof and composed - Or pretend they are.

Conclusion: Elves are cats.

1: Like to perch on high places and survey their domain.
2: Like to pounce on the unwary from dark places.
3: Leave carcasses lying around.
4: View self as king of their domain and forcibly evict intruders.

Conclusion: Cats are dragons.

1) Dragons are constantly invading dwarven and human kingdoms and stealing their gold.
2) Elves do not like dwarves and don't like humans much.
3) Dragons are rarely heard to invade elven kingdoms.
4) In fact, some times elves manage to live peacefully with dragons.

Conclusion: QED, Elves are dragons - Two sources of confirmation.

1) Orcs hate dwarves. Elves hate dwarves.
2) Elves and orcs hate each other.
3) Orcs are the most miserable, wretched creatures ever, while elves are wonderfull and beutifull...

Conclusion: Orcs are Anti-Sue Elves.

1) Mysterious, remote demeanors.
2) Generally shown with pointed ears.
3) Often inhumanly, occasionally/mostly scarily beutifull.
4) Show inhuman balance and *Cat-like grace.

* Elves are Cats, as has been demonstrated.

Conclusion: Elves are Vampires.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must research the connection between Elves, Halflings and Dwarves...

[Wenin]

Umm m there is something wrong with your formatting, it is confusing.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

The conclusions come after the evidence. I shall now label all the conclusions so as to avoid confusion.

[Ed Kolis]

Elves sound an awful lot like Zero from the Megaman series...

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Hmm...Well then, would you like to be a Reporter! for the Truth about Elves?? I can give you...Umm...Virtual Cheese!

And in return, you would investigate wether Zero is, in fact, an Elf!

[Ed Kolis]

Zero is a reploid... well, sort of... technically reploids are based on the design of X, but he was created concurrently with X... he does have cyber elves though

[Possum]

No cyber on the forums, Ed

[Black_Knyght]

Read...this..., now...brain...hurts....

[narf poit chez BOOM]

I was going to post something witty, but then I thought, nah, I'll just post...

...Why so few posts? I want more posts!?