Jokes and Riddles Centre - Page 94

Jack Simth · #**931** December 17th, 2004, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Starhawk said:

Quote:

Ed Kolis said:
How do you tell a fundamentalist Christian terrorist from a fundamentalist Islamic terrorist?

The Christian terrorist yells "the great SANTA dies today" as he blows himself up in front of a secular Christmas display

Not funny.....

Especially as most the anti-santa crowd is Hindu or Buddhist (sp?) or Jewish or ....

geoschmo · #**932** December 17th, 2004, 05:55 PM

You've heard of the dyslexic agnostic right? He does not profess to be an atheist, but he is skeptical about the existence of dog.

Starhawk · #**933** December 17th, 2004, 06:03 PM

Okay that one is kind of amusing.

LOVE THAT DARWIN AWARD LOL

This one is funny too

Death by Lava Lamp
28 November 2004, Washington | We have a new Darwin winner, with the recent demise of a man at the hands of his lava lamp. "Why on Earth he heated a lava lamp on the stove, we don't know," said baffled police.

No drug or alcohol evidence was found; Philip Quinn, 24, in his right mind, placed a lava lamp on his kitchen burner and turned up the flame. In due course, he rediscovered this favorite explosive generator of deadly shrapnel. He was found dead in his Kent trailer home, a shard of glass through his heart.

TurinTurambar · #**934** December 17th, 2004, 07:16 PM

Trailer home. 'Nuff said.

narf poit chez BOOM · #**935** December 17th, 2004, 07:45 PM

Exactly what about not being able to afford a house makes someone stupid?

Kamog · #**936** December 17th, 2004, 11:08 PM

I'm guessing that he probably put the lava lamp on the stove because I think if you heat it up, the colored blobs move faster.

narf poit chez BOOM · #**937** December 23rd, 2004, 09:51 PM

I found this on a search for 'funniest thing on the net' and clicking 'I'm feeling lucky' on google. I don't know if it's the funniest thing on the net, but it's certainly in the running: http://www.the-logos.com/theme_more/312_0_5_0_C/
And it's geeky.

rdouglass · #**938** January 27th, 2005, 01:42 PM

Things supposedly said by police officers:

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1, 200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey ****."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

narf poit chez BOOM · #**939** January 29th, 2005, 11:12 PM

This is priceless: http://www.lulu.com/content/102550

To qoute from the baen forums (Since you need to register to read):

[qoute]
Subject: If you remember Eye Of Argon....
Author: Wyman Cooke
Date: 28 Jan 2005 11:42 PM
...and Naked Came The Stranger, then you'll get a kick out of this:

Publish America claims that they reject 80% of the books submitted to them. That they are _not_ a vanity press. So James D. Macdonald, of Mageworlds fame, decided to test the claims. He cooked up a bad plot and got around forty folks to play along. They each got a list of the characters in their chapter, along with a line or two of plot. No clue as to what came before or after. The finished, if you can call it that, novel was submitted to PA. PA bit, hook, line, and sinker. To quote James:

"You can read the manuscript at
ftp://ftp.sff.net/pub/people/doylema...Manuscript.rtf

You can read the acceptance letter at
ftp://ftp.sff.net/pub/people/doylema...acceptance.rtf

You can read the sample contract at
ftp://ftp.sff.net/pub/people/doylema...g/Contract.pdf

End quote.

Don't eat or drink while reading.

There is actually a call for this novel, despite PA's withdrawing the contract. You can find it at.

http://www.lulu.com/content/102550

Wyman

To summarize why I admired the Gipper: He was put on earth to do two things: kick butt and chew gum, and he ran out of gum around 1962.---Jonah Goldberg.

And I forgot to mention one other thing; the authors were encouraged to write as BAD as they could.
[/qoute]

narf poit chez BOOM · #**940** February 3rd, 2005, 05:04 AM

Hey, anybody want the inside of their screen cleaned, for free? You never know how dusty it might get in there: http://www.clean-your-screen-for-free-now.com/

This one, I think, needs no explanation (The picture was hosted on the baen forums and probably would have required a password to access): http://www3.telus.net/funnybnz/Balloons.jpg