320.2! 301.5, 311.3, 65.4

[Kamog]

I'm willing to give up ALL of my money, time, and attention and everything else I've got, IF she's the right one!

By the way, it should be no problem getting to 1000 Posts... it's just a matter of time! I wonder how long it will take to get to 10,000?

[Perrin]

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
examination to determine the cause of her daughter's swollen abdomen. It
only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having
sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother
became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying
attention to me?" "Yes, of course I'm paying attention, ma'am. It's just
that the Last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three
wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again......."

[Perrin]

How to tell if you're a Redneck Jedi:

• If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle..."
  
• If you ever said the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
  
  
• Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
  
  
• You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
  
  
• At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
  
  
• You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
  
  
• You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
  
  
• The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
  
  
• Wookiees are offended by your B.O.
  
  
• You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
  
  
• You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
  
  
• You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.
  
  
• You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
  
  
• You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
  
  
• You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
  
  
• Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
  
  
• You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
  
  
• You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
  
  
• You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
  
  
• Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."

[DirectorTsaarx]

To quote the immortal Norm:

Women. Can't live with 'em. Pass the beer nuts.

Or, as Steven Wright put it,

Women. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

[mlmbd]

OK, here you go!!

Top ten things men know about women;

10. They MUST cuddle, men do not
#9. They ESTIMATE your reaction, Before they say things, men don't
#8. They NEED to talk, men do not
#7. They ALWAYS need someone to help them powder their noses, men don't
#6. They REALLY need tenderness, men do not
#5. They EXPECT you are going to change, men don't
#4. They DO fake having an orgasm, men do not
#3. They UNBUTTON there clothes, before and after sex, men don't
#2. They MAKE those Doe eyes, men do not
#1. They BELIEVE it when someone says "Trust Me", men don't

In contrast, this is what women KNOW about men.

M*E*N*A*R*E*D*U*M*B!!!

mlmbd

[Stone Mill]

I suspect that many folks in this forum may have difficulty with the opposite sex because of "Nerditis."

Check out this link, especially "At the Star Wars II Movie Premiere."

http://www.webkata.com/triumph/

Wear a depends undergarment, because you may lose bladder control while laughing.

[Kamog]

Originally posted by Perrin:
It's just
that the Last time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three
wise men came. I was hoping they'd show up again......."

Maybe the midochlorians are responsible...

[KirbyEF]

mlmbd: Wisdom! If only us men would listen....

KirbyEF

[Kamog]

Allll right!!! I got promoted to Corporal!

Kupo! Kupopo!!

[mlmbd]

Kamog,

Three cheers for kamog, HIP-HIP Hurray, HIP-HIP Hurray, HIP-HIP Hurray!!!

Congratulations on your promotion. Please keep up the good work.

You are Dismissed, Corporal!!

Always wanted to do that.

mlmbd