Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Ed Kolis]

Trichinosis virus want ad: "For Rent - SPAAAAACE IIIIIN PIIIIIGS!!!!!"

[primitive]

Originally posted by Wardad:
WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ
.
.
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
.
.

Strange,
Last time i visited the doggy isles, I could have sworn they was located in the Atlantic

[Wardad]

Here's another example of someone with too much time and nothing to do.

Check this out:

Is This Your Phone Number?

Ignore your area code & using only 7 digit phone:

1) key-in the first 3 digit of your phone number into the calculator
2) multiply by 80
3) then plus 1
4) multiply by 250
5) plus Last four digit of phone number
6) plus Last four digit of phone number again
7) minus 250
8) divide by 2 at Last

Is the answer your phone number???

[Wardad]

Redneck vacation
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation.

Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The Last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."

[Wardad]

710
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one."
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710.
He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?"
She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."

Click here to see the photo:
http://rtccom.net/~mfjgolf/710.jpg

[David E. Gervais]

..as the mechanics laughed, another blond woman came in and looked over their shoulders.. "I don't see why you are all laughing, it was some dumb mechanic that installed it upside down in the first place."

Cheers!

[ October 16, 2003, 17:54: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]

[Jack Simth]

Originally posted by Wardad:
1) key-in the first 3 digit of your phone number into the calculator
2) multiply by 80
3) then plus 1
4) multiply by 250
5) plus Last four digit of phone number
6) plus Last four digit of phone number again
7) minus 250
8) divide by 2 at Last

Is the answer your phone number???

This will leave any positive integer x completely intact:
1) x div 10000
2) (1) * 80 = (x div 10000)*80
3) (2) + 1 = ((x div 10000)*80) + 1
4) (3) * 250 = (((x div 10000)*80) + 1) * 250 = 250*((x div 10000)*80) + 250 = 250*80*(x div 10000) + 250 = 20000*(x div 10000) + 250
5) (4) + x mod 10000 = 20000*(x div 10000) + 250 + (x mod 10000)
6) (5) + x mod 10000 = 20000*(x div 10000) + 250 + 2*(x mod 10000) = 2*10000*(x div 10000) + 2*(x mod 10000) + 250 = 2*10000*(x/10000) + 250 = 2*x + 250
7) (6) - 250 = 2*x + 250 - 250 = 2*x
8) (7) / 2 = 2*x/2 = x

It doesn't matter what number you start with....

[Saber Cherry]

Funny

Hey, wait, my avatar is blond!

[Erax]

It's more like orange-haired.

[Wardad]

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl.

After a year of marriage she went into the hospital to give birth.

The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow saying,
"This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"

He answered,
"You've got to keep that old motor running".

The following year the young bride gave birth gain. The same nurse said,
"You really are amazing. How do you do it?"

He again said
"You've got to keep the old motor running".

The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said,
"Well, well, well! You certainly are quite a man!"

He responded
"You've got to keep that old motor running".

The nurse then said,
"Well, you better change the oil. This one's black".