OT: Hell is For Heroes.

[capnq]

We unfortunate few who can't play SEV appreciate having something else to read about.

The door opening sequence was fun. I wonder if Alice even knows what the mnemonic she's reciting stands for. (If that's what it is.)

[AgentZero]

I still have a fan! Glee!

Guess that means I should get back to writing...

[TurinTurambar]

Oh trust me you have lots of fans.

[Puke]

lots and lots of them

[AgentZero]

Oh no! Page 2! Undo! UNDO!


Seriously though, 10 points for the first person who gets the Alice Name Joke in this installment.


There was a long, appropriately stunned silence, during which three of them stared numbly at the contents of the capsule, while Alice's gaze flitted from one to the next as she waited a reply.
Eventually, she sighed, and, fed up with waiting for a response, said, �It looks like me. Only bald. And naked.�
�Yes,� agreed O'Shea. �She is that.�
�Hey,� Alice said indignantly, giving O'Shea her best glower. �Stop staring at my naughty bits!�
�But they're so nice,� Saraea protested.
�Mmmmm,� Kagan chimed in.
�All right, that's enough!� Alice declared, stamping her foot on the ground. �Everyone find something else to look at, or I swear to the Nine Divine Whores of Kantarl, I will go completely bat**** crazy! Now!�
As one, Kagan, O'Shea and Saraea suddenly found something else to look at.
�That's very interesting upholstery,� murmured O'Shea.
�Indeed,� agreed Saraea. �And the exterior is so finely machined, not a single dent or scratch to be seen.�
�And the... um... err...� Kagan stammered. �Did anyone else notice that the bald one's boobs are bigger?�
�They are not!� Alice protested vehemently.
�Have a look for yourself,� Kagan told her.
Alice peered over the edge of the capsule, but was unable to resist the urge to have a proper look at her face. That moment, naturally, was the one her doppelganger chose to open her eyes. The surprise sent Alice stumbling backwards, which caused her to trip over her own feet and plop to the ground. She sat there for a few moments, with an annoyed expression on her face, until it was replaced by a look of curiosity. Her head tilted to one side and she rose to her feet to approach the capsule slowly. She got as close as she needed to be to see her duplicate's face, and stopped there.
�Yes,� she said after a few moments. �No, they're not. I don't know. Blue. Seventy-three. Of course....�
Kagan gave O'Shea a look as the one-sided exchange continued. O'Shea merely shrugged. �Telepathic exchanged?� Kagan wondered aloud.
�Don't ask me,� O'Shea told him. �I'm about as sensitive as a well-attuned rock.�
�I'm getting something,� Saraea said, frowning deeply. �Don't ask me what, but the naked one is definitely broadcasting some sort of telepathic- Ack!� She stumbled backwards, clutching her temples.
�Eavesdropping is rude,� Alice informed her darkly.
�Son of a...� Saraea muttered.
�So, what do we call this one?� O'Shea wondered.
Kagan walked over to the console Alice had been using and looked at it. �Alice Fiona Komatsu. Huh. How about that? I guess we call the new one Fiona.�
�That is acceptable,� Alice advised them.
�Well, we should probably be getting back to the ship,� said Kagan. �I don't like this place one bit, and the sooner we're gone, the happier I'll be.�
�We're not going to leave her, are we?� Alice asked, suddenly looking very worried.
�Of course not,� said Saraea, pulling off her coat and wrapping it around Fiona. Once they'd gotten the jacked closed up, Saraea and O'Shea helped her out of the capsule and set her on the floor, only to have her collapse into a heap at their feet.
�She can't walk,� Alice said mournfully.
�Not a problem,� O'Shea replied, scooping Fiona into his arms.
The five of them hurried down the causeway and out the door, and with Alice in the lead, made their way quickly through the maze of hallways. They were almost back to the hanger deck by O'Shea's reasoning when the rounded a corner and ran smack into a contingent of battle machines. Instinctively, they spun around to head the other way, only to find their escape blocked by another group of machines that had somehow materialized behind them. The rust coloured machines herded them into a small cluster and raised their weapons. O'Shea looked down at the bundle in his arms only to find Fiona glaring at the machines with unimaginable ferocity. There was the unmistakable sound of a large number of rounds being chambered, and then the battle machines simply melted into a gooey pile on the floor. While Kagan, Alice and Saraea stared at the pile of goo in surprise, O'Shea's gaze was firmly locked on Fiona, whose expression had relaxed into one of abject serenity. She waved her hand slightly, and the two puddles of goo spread up the walls and wrapped around the ceiling, forming an archway of sorts. The metal goo continued to shift and move about as it coalesced into beautifully intricate patterns all around them.
�Ahhh...� Kagan said cautiously. �That's an interesting function. Are the pretty patterns going to kill us with their prettiness of doom now?�
�I don't think the machines did that themselves,� said O'Shea. �I think it was her.� He glanced down at Fiona and gave her a gentle bounce for emphasis.
�Oh,� said Kagan, looking vaguely embarrassed. �Of course it was. Erm, Alice, sweetheart, could you tell her to please not do that to anything on my ship?�
�She can hear you just fine,� Alice said with only a small hint of condescension. �It's only the talking part that she can't do.�
�Oh,� Kagan said again. �Can we just hurry the hell up and get back to my ship where things make sense.� He paused to consider his last comment, then added, �Sort of.�
They made their way uneventfully back to the ship, passing wordlessly through several more rust coloured archways along the way. Once aboard, Kagan hurried up to the bridge and got the ship back into space with considerable haste.

[Puke]

no... is it a play on comatose?

[AgentZero]

Ok, it's not the greatest joke ever, but the name Alice Fiona Komatsu forms the initials AFK, aka Away From Keyboard. As in, 'not quite there', 'lights are on but...'

Ok, I admit it, that was really geeky, even for me.

[dogscoff]

Yay, more more! Two Alices... that's... that's... that was your little birthday present to yourself wasn't it?

[AgentZero]

dogscoff said:
Yay, more more! Two Alices... that's... that's... that was your little birthday present to yourself wasn't it?

Hell yeah.

[AgentZero]

For those of you still without SE5....



Alice plunked herself down at the navigation console while Saraea lounged across the two chairs at weapons control. O'Shea set Fiona down beside Alice and wandered over to stand behind Kagan's command chair. Alice began twirling her hair around her finger as she idly punched buttons on the navigational computer with her free hand. After a few minutes, she looked up sharply, then turned towards Fiona.
�Yes, of course you can,� she informed her bald-headed twin.
�The others hurt me if I spoke,� Fiona said, quietly so the others couldn't hear.
�These people are awful nice though,� Alice assured her, lowering her voice. �They don't hurt people. Well, sometimes they do, and they're quite good at it really, but the only people they hurt are the evil, wicked and nasty sort.� He eyes widened suddenly. �You're not my evil twin, are you?�
�I don't think so,� Fiona replied, looking suddenly worried. �How would I know if I was?�
�Well, staring at the galactic map and laughing maniacally is a pretty good indicator,� Alice said thoughtfully. �And of course you need an evil lair, not just any lair, mind you, but an evil one. And a legion of barely-competent minions, can't forget them. Oh, and a collection of carnivorous plants and/or animals. And a fluffy white cat, that's vital.�
�I don't have any of that,� Fiona said, sounding slightly disappointed. �Although I did have a good laugh over a galactic map once, when I realized that if you take the first letter of all the systems you transit from Fyron's Star to Rigellia, it spells something naughty.�
Alice frowned in thought and began ticking the systems names off on her fingers. �Fyron, Urkutall, Clementine, Kalvinicus, Yorgenslav, Ozmentia, Uymanda, Rottera, Mandella, Otterman, Thereami, Hera, Ekelbar, Rigellia. You're right that's very naughty.�
�But not as bad as if you take the last letters of all the systems between Sol and Thereami,� Fiona pointed out with a mischievous grin.�
Alice pondered that one for a moment, then her eyes widened suddenly. �Fiona!� she exclaimed, barely keeping her voice down. �That's just plain filthy!�
�It's shocking, really it is,� Fiona said, smiling. �And did you know you can use the Imperium's major trade routes to spell out all the major parts of the female reproductive system?�
�Oh, everyone knows that one,� Alice said with a grin and a mock dismissive wave of her hand.
The two fell silent for a time, and Alice resumed her poking at the navigational computer. �Individual atoms must fall upwards, collecting kings into nine groups, not until then sleep,� she murmured as she worked.
�Imps might create rapid and zany interruptions effective rarely,� Fiona replied off-handedly.
�Never overestimate the lambs, invaders kill every large yew,� Alice replied firmly.
Over at the command chair, O'Shea leaned over to whisper in Kagan's ear. �What in the name of all that is holy are those two on about?� he said as quietly as he could.
�No point in whispering,� Kagan replied softly. �Alice at least has got hearing like...� he paused for a moment, at a loss for an appropriate adjective. �...something with really good hearing,� he finished lamely, giving Alice and Fiona a small wave as they turned towards him and grinned to show they'd overheard. �And I don't know what they're talking about,� he continued. �But I'm absolutely sure and certain that I'm a happier, more well adjusted person not knowing what they're talking about.�
Alice suddenly let out a profoundly happy laugh and clapped her hands, before hunching over the navigational computer once more with Fiona peering over her shoulder.
�You sure it's a good idea to be letting them play with that thing?� O'Shea wondered.
�I'm sure they're just having a bit of harmless fun,� Kagan said easily. �What makes you ask?�
�Well, the fact that we're changing course has me vaguely worried,� O'Shea replied.
�We're changing course?� Kagan asked as he looked down at his console. �We're changing course,� he repeated, this time as a statement. �Why are we changing course. Girls? Why are we changing course?�
Alice and Fiona bounded over to Kagan's chair, flushed with excitement. �Becaues we have to!� Alice exclaimed.
�We found it!� Fiona enthused.
�I had a number!�
�And I had a number!�
�By itself it didn't mean anything-�
�Neither did mine!�
�But together-�
�Together!�
�Together, our numbers make coordinates!�
�Coordinates!�
�Of something important I bet!�
�Definately important! Well, probably.�
�So we have to go!�
�Have to!�
�Gah!� Kagan exclaimed. �Stop doing that! It's wrecking my head. Now, you're saying that the two of you each had some random number bouncing around in your heads, and when you put the numbers together you came up with a set of coordinates, and on that basis alone you think we should go investigate.�
�Not just that,� Alice said, rolling her eyes.
�There's the nothingness!�
�Yes, the nothingness!�
�The coordinates are for a jump node that leads to a system where there's nothing!�
�Nothing at all!�
�Now when have you heard of a system with nothing in it?
�Every system has something in it.�
�That's what makes it a system.�
�But this one has nothing.�
�Nothing at all.�
�And it's the only system with nothing in it in the known galaxy.�
�Which is big.�
�You're doing it again,� sighed Kagan, already resigned to the fact that he'd be putting up with a lot more of it in the days to come.
�Sorry.�
�Sorry.�
�Right,� said Kagan, rubbing the bridge of his nose. �So your main argument in favour of visiting this system is that fact that there's nothing there?�
�Supposedly,� said Fiona.
�Yeah, supposedly,� Alice agreed.
�I'm thinking that's not the best reason to go trapsing across the galaxy,� O'Shea put in.
�Actually, he's thinking much naughtier things than that,� Fiona advised them.
�Hey!� O'Shea objected. �Stay outta me head!�
�I learned my lesson,� she replied meekly. �It's dark and scary in there.�
�Pleeeease,� Alice begged. �It's terribly, terribly important that we go there. I know it the same way I knew we had to come here, and look what we found.�
Fiona raised her hand happily. �Glad to be found,� she informed them.
Kagan sighed. �I suppose, if it helps unravel the enigma that is the two of you, it can't help but be a good thing.�
�Glee!� Alice exclaimed, jumping onto Kagan's lap. �I promise I'll make it worth it I will.�
Fiona gave Alice a strange look. �Doesn't that hurt?� she asked.
Alice blushed ever so slightly. �Sweety, you need to stay out of people's heads, otherwise things will happen to you that will hurt a lot more.�
�I can melt things with my mind,� Fiona pointed out.
�But who am I to tell you what to do with your own gifts?� Alice added quickly.
Saraea stood suddenly and grinned broadly at the four of them. �This is going to be fun!� she said in a tone that almost literally dripped sacrasm.
�Aye,� Kagan agreed dryly. �Piloting a ship full of the crazy, the sarcastic and the perverted into the very depths of nowhere... This is bound to end well.�