Gallipoli all over again.

[Ruatha]

Based on a true in-game event

The fleet had been under construction for many years, it was now the most powerful weapon in the known universe.
The time for the attack upon the hated enemy was drawing close.
In the heaquarter General Usher was talking to the rest of the staff;
-"The fleet is almost ready, soon the enemy cities will burn with our vengeful fire!
But I've had an idea. Instead of glassing these worlds, why don't we invade them?
We'll get alot of slave labour, ready constructed facilities and forward resupply and repair depots!
I've checked our planets and seen that we have a lot of troops on many planets. They have been there for many years keeping the population happy but not doing much.
It's time to change that!
I've ordered the construction of troop deploying ships, these are now loading troops around the empire and heading for a rendezvous with the fleet.
Soon the enemy planets will be ours! Whoa ha ha ha!"


A couple of months later the enemy territory was reached.
The fleet cleared away the enemy ships defending the planet, the defence satelites was swiftly destroyed.
The troop ships moved in and started deploying the troops....

Back at the headquarter the reports where streaming in.

General Usher was reporting to the Grand Admiral who asked:
"- So General Usher, how is your plan with the ground attacks working out?"

"-Well, not quite as good as I expected...
We have reports sofar of 23 enemy causalties.
One of the enemy commandos was caught by one of our regements, he tried to escape our wrath by hiding his identity and was heard screaming ' No, I'm just a goat shephard!!' right before he received the first blow across his face.
But hey, who wouldn't lie when faced by 200 of our finest, wielding their rubber battons in the air!! Whoa ha ha. And those 22 goats where looking really menacing, I've heard!"

"-Hmm, not quite as expected I see! What are our causalties?"

"-Let me see....", the General looked through his papers.
"Hmm, yes, yes. The first report says 183 945 lost in combat."

"-What!!!"

"-Well, you see. The enemy isn't fighting fair. They are using fire arms. Our troops are local police troops. They are just equipped with rubber batoons. It's always worked well to quell local uprisings before.
But these enemies don't seem as intimidated by the batoons as they should!
But no worry. The second wave of approximately one million batoon yielding troops are being deployed as we speak, and then we will surely see victory.
The setbacks so far are only a result of bad training with the batoons. This shall learn our troops to pay more attention to their drill sergeants in the future!!"


.......

The invasion was not so successful. (But the glassing was).
The troops had been sitting there for oh, perhaps 100 turns.
I'd named them "infantry 1" and forgotten about the "non-arming" bit....

So now I've gone to the history of my people as the mad General!

[ March 11, 2004, 06:16: Message edited by: Ruatha ]

[narf poit chez BOOM]

[primitive]

LOL,
Been there, done that

Thats why I always put in at least 1 DUC on my police troops.

[Puke]

why was the police troop carying a DUC? there is a punchline in there somewhere, im just not sure what it is..

[narf poit chez BOOM]

so the bullets go over their heads?

[sachmo]

Originally posted by Puke:
why was the police troop carying a DUC?

So they could QUACK down on crime?


I am someone's father. Forgive me.

[primitive]

Originally posted by Puke:
why was the police troop carying a DUC? there is a punchline in there somewhere, im just not sure what it is..

[Randallw]

Thats not really Gallipoli. Your problem was you made a mistake with your own troops. The real Gallipoli was troops being sacrificed to the incompetence of an allies command (WC)

[narf poit chez BOOM]

I vote for Primitives for funny and Sachmo's for relavance and funny.

[oleg]

Originally posted by Randallw:
... The real Gallipoli was troops being sacrificed to the incompetence of an allies command (WC)...

That's exactly the point of his story !