Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Wardad]

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."

The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses..." He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, puppy face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long,I'll be right back. I promise. OK?" "You
want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
"LISTEN UP, D*&$HEAD! DRINK YOUR F*****G BEER IN YOUR GO#@$MN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER#$%^$#G SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW. YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, A@@%$@E?"

...and, they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?

[ May 26, 2004, 13:43: Message edited by: Wardad ]

[narf poit chez BOOM]

That's gotta be the best answer to that question I ever heard: http://www.comics.com/wash/candorvil...-20040508.html

Now that is truly scary: http://www.comics.com/creators/andyc...-20040504.html

[ May 29, 2004, 11:08: Message edited by: narf poit chez BOOM ]

[Atrocities]

ROFLMAO - not really.

[Ragnarok]

This is a pretty good strip. I thought it would fit this forum...

[David E. Gervais]

..Two avatars sitting in a forum, one avatar looks over at the other and says,.. "Who let you out of your frame?" To which the second avatar replied,.. "Frames are browser unfriendly and I try my best to avoid them."



Cheers!

P.S. IF <=funny THEN GOSUB Bonus_Points_For_Originality.

[ June 02, 2004, 15:32: Message edited by: David E. Gervais ]

[Ragnarok]

$davidsjoke = funny;

if ($davidsjoke == funny)
{
echo 'LOL!';
}
else
{
echo 'That was lame';
}


Or we could do it this way:

$funnyjoke = true;

if ($funnyjoke == true)
{
echo 'LOL!';
}
else if ($funnyjoke == false)
{
echo 'That was lame';
}

I could do it many other ways but this is enough.

[ June 02, 2004, 17:42: Message edited by: Ragnarok ]

[David E. Gervais]

Rags, are you a polititian? Instead of giving an answer, you gave me two more ways to ask the question. LOL

Now THAT's funny.

Cheers!

[Ragnarok]

Originally posted by David E. Gervais:
Rags, are you a polititian?

Nope, not a polititian. I do not get involved in politics in any way at all.

I will add an output section to my code so the answer is given.

Edit: There, I added a variable to contain the result of the joke. Then depending on the result, the code I had at first will now echo the correct result.

[ June 02, 2004, 18:56: Message edited by: Ragnarok ]

[Fyron]

Things you can say to your computer but not your girlfriend:

Oh great, spam again.

You're cheap compared to my Last one.

Stop offering me Viagra.

Let go of my floppy.

Hibernate.

It went down.

Whoops! Wrong port.

Next year I'm getting rid of you and I'm getting a new model.

[Wardad]

GOOD

A Richardson, Texas policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem -- a 12 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of money. (Gotta love that good ole American Entrepreneurial spirit!)


BETTER

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Plano, Texas. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.


BEST

A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the TX State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Texas State Police Ball." He replied, "Texas State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car.