Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Timstone]

I freakin' hate Quicktime, so aren't able to view the video. What does it show?

[capnq]

Do any of you remember the Star Wars spoofs TROOPERS?

Those were damned funny and I can't seem to find them any more.

You couldn't find it because it was called Troops {link}, not Troopers. It's a great parody of Star Wars and Cops.

[Suicide Junkie]

Anybody know what codec they're using for that?

[Atrocities]

Thanks capnq

[narf poit chez BOOM]

what I liked was Table 4-24: One hundred traits, for fleshing out NPC's in d&d. Scroll down to #100.

1. Blah Blah Blah. 2. Blah Blah Blah. 3. Blah Blah Blah. 4. Blah Blah Blah. 5. Blah Blah Blah. 6. Blah Blah Blah. 7. Blah Blah Blah. 8. Blah Blah Blah. 9. Blah Blah Blah. 10. Blah Blah Blah. 11. Blah Blah Blah. 12. Blah Blah Blah. 13. Blah Blah Blah. 14. Blah Blah Blah. 15. Blah Blah Blah. 16. Blah Blah Blah. 17. Blah Blah Blah. 18. Blah Blah Blah. 19. Blah Blah Blah. 20. Blah Blah Blah. 21. Blah Blah Blah. 22. Blah Blah Blah. 23. Blah Blah Blah. 24. Blah Blah Blah. 25. Blah Blah Blah. 27. Blah Blah Blah. 28. Blah Blah Blah. 29. Blah Blah Blah. 30. Blah Blah Blah. 31. Blah Blah Blah. 32. Blah Blah Blah. 33. Blah Blah Blah. 34. Blah Blah Blah. 35. Blah Blah Blah. 36. Blah Blah Blah. 37. Blah Blah Blah. 38. Blah Blah Blah. 39. Blah Blah Blah. 40. Blah Blah Blah. 41. Blah Blah Blah. 42. Blah Blah Blah. 43. Blah Blah Blah. 44. Blah Blah Blah. 45. Blah Blah Blah. 46. Blah Blah Blah. 47. Blah Blah Blah. 48. Blah Blah Blah. 49. Blah Blah Blah. 50. Blah Blah Blah. 51. Blah Blah Blah. 52. Blah Blah Blah. 53. Blah Blah Blah. 54. Blah Blah Blah. 55. Blah Blah Blah. 56. Blah Blah Blah. 57. Blah Blah Blah. 58. Blah Blah Blah. 59. Blah Blah Blah. 60. Blah Blah Blah. 61. Blah Blah Blah. 62. Blah Blah Blah. 63. Blah Blah Blah. 64. Blah Blah Blah. 65. Blah Blah Blah. 66. Blah Blah Blah. 67. Blah Blah Blah. 68. Blah Blah Blah. 69. Blah Blah Blah. 70. Blah Blah Blah. 71. Blah Blah Blah. 72. Blah Blah Blah. 73. Blah Blah Blah. 74. Blah Blah Blah. 75. Blah Blah Blah. 76. Blah Blah Blah. 77. Blah Blah Blah. 78. Blah Blah Blah. 79. Blah Blah Blah. 80. Blah Blah Blah. 81. Blah Blah Blah. 82. Blah Blah Blah. 83. Blah Blah Blah. 84. Blah Blah Blah. 85. Blah Blah Blah. 86. Blah Blah Blah. 87. Blah Blah Blah. 88. Blah Blah Blah. 89. Blah Blah Blah. 90. Blah Blah Blah. 91. Blah Blah Blah. 92. Blah Blah Blah. 93. Blah Blah Blah. 94. Blah Blah Blah. 95. Blah Blah Blah. 96. Blah Blah Blah. 97. Blah Blah Blah. 98. Blah Blah Blah. 99. Blah Blah Blah. 100. No sense of humor. See #26.

[Wardad]

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - US Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance

Five-second fuses only Last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." -Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies--- (And Lastly)

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." -- U.S.A.---Ammo Troop

[Kamog]

Sounds like good advice.

[narf poit chez BOOM]

Found in someone's sig on the baen forums: I am Amnesia of Borg. Resistance is Futile. Prepare to be ... errr ....
thingy ...

[Wardad]

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.'"
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.


Then he added a mouth.
Ruined the whole damn thing.

[Wardad]

A guy is out with buddies -- has few drinks -- is feeling a little frisky but, true to his wife, goes home.

He finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open, so he gets two aspirin and drops them in her mouth.

She starts to choke, but recovers and asks --
"What did you put in my mouth?"

He says, "Two aspirin."

She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!"

He says, "That's all I wanted to hear.