Jokes and Riddles Centre

[Wardad]

WARNING - Really Sick Joke ....

EDIT ...too sick for some...

[ March 23, 2004, 13:09: Message edited by: Wardad ]

[Wardad]

http://www.collegehumor.com/?image_id=16784

[Loser]

Originally posted by Wardad:
http://www.collegehumor.com/?image_id=16784

Banner adds possibly Not Safe For Work.

A nice photoshop, though.

[Loser]

From another board.

The following is from the CSPD (Colorado Springs Police Dept.) blotter. The entry seems fairly routine until the end. . . Make sure you read the Last two sentences of the summary:

quote:

---

Incident Date: March 5, 2004
Time: 7:17:00 PM
Division: Falcon Shift II
Title: Traffic Accident
Location: 4450 Brady Road

Summary:
On Fri. evening at about 7:17PM the Police Department recieved a flurry of telephone reports. Some of the people calling in were reporting a shooting and others were reporting a Roll Over Accident.

When Officers arrived on scene they were able to sort out these various reports. Two cars were racing on Constitution Blvd. One of the cars lost control and hit a curb, drove through a utility pole,sheering the pole and igniting an electrical transformer attached to the top of that pole. The 18 yr. old driver and his two passengers age 15 and 16 were thrown from this car. No one in the other car was injured.

The driver and passengers were not seriously injured.The driver was suspected of Driving Under the Influence of Alchohol.

Reports of the Shooting came from the sound of the Transformer as it exploded combined with witnesses seeing Blood from the head of the driver.

City Utilities was notified to repair the pole and other Utility poles that were damaged.

The good news was that no one was seriously injured in what appeared to be a spectacular accident! The bad news is the the Driver won't be saving alot of money on his Auto insurance.

Adults Arrested: Not identified at this time

---

CSPD blotter is here. I don't think I can link directly to the indicated entry because of the way they have the page set up.

[ March 14, 2004, 16:25: Message edited by: Loser ]

[Wardad]

Definitly Not Politically Correct HUMOR....

REPUBLICANISM SHOWN TO BE GENETIC IN ORIGIN
Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2004 12:49:20 -0800


The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is genetically determined was announced by scientists in the current issue of the journal NURTURE, causing uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a chosen lifestyle.

Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism, discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA, has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing communities.

Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans' unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional tendencies resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably high percentage of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle.

Biologists have long suspected that conservatism is inherited. "After all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican."

The finding has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of Republicans (PFREP), who sometimes blame themselves for the political views of otherwise lovable children, family, and unindicted co-conspirators.

One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, seated with her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would never freely choose that lifestyle!"

When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said, "You can just tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for anyone not rich, you know."

Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn't just a phase they were going through.

The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as products of the same parents and family dynamics.

A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted Republican at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about doing so. Polls show that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican experience, although most outgrow teenage experimentation with Republicanism.

Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they shouldn't be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy.

If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans can't help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the military or even high elected office -- provided they don't flaunt their political beliefs.
For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future. In a few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.

------------------------------------------
But why should they be allowed to marry?

[Wardad]

Three friends from the local congregation were asked,
"When you're In your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"
Artie said:
"I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a Fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented:
"I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Don said:
"I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

[Timstone]

AAAHHHHH!!! Still trapped in The Crimson Room!!

[David E. Gervais]

Don't dispair, you're just missing two items,.. did you know that some things can be 'shaken' to see if there is anything in them? (shaken as in multiple mouse clicks.) This info should help.

Cheers!

[Jack Simth]

Okay ... the hot spots on that thing are way too small; some of the places you have to look are almost impossible to get to, despite the fact that it would be rather simple to get to them in RL.

I got out - you never do use that regular key....

[Arkcon]

Good to see this thread has sprung to life again. Now... The funniest jokes according to US Senators. {clicky}
I'd like to say that they're all funny, and by that I mean funny as in stange, embarassingly square, and not funny ha ha.