Advise

[Slick]

A married man can be either happy or right, but not both.

[edit: and very possibly neither!]

Slick.

[ February 15, 2003, 21:27: Message edited by: Slick ]

[Wardad]

Your problem's lying in your bed," the director said to me,
"Murder is easy if you take it logically.
It's more fun if he's struggling to get free,"
There must be fifty ways to kill your lover.

She said, "it's really not my habit to be rude,
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued,
But the film won't sell if he's only getting screwed,"
There must be fifty ways to kill your lover.

Just stab him in the back, Pat,
Shoot out his spleen, Kathleen,
Poison his tea, Dee,
Before he gets his hands free....

Just feed him some Spam, Ma'am
No need to disguise it much...
It'll take him out clean.

She said, "it grieves me so to see you pause again,
I wish you'd do it so we'd print this scene by ten."
I said, "I appreciate that, and would you please explain
About the fifty ways?"

The director said, "we'll rehearse it again tonight,
And I'm sure that when we film it, the scene will go just right;"
She gave me an icepick and then I saw the light--
There must be fifty ways to kill your lover!

Just blow out his brains, Jane,
Set fire to his yacht, Dot,
Cut the brake hose, Rose,
And then the plot flows....

Just feed him some Spam, Ma'am
No need to disguise it much...
It'll take him out clean.

[Wardad]

ooo hugs

xxx kisses

OOO big hugs

XXX big kisses

oo hugs for everybody but you

OO! big, excited hugs

CCC hugs for people you can't quite reach around

OOQ hugging with tongue

xx@ kisses and earlobe nibbling

zzz snoring

yyy anything that occurs between kissing and snoring

H handshake

AAA talk-show not-really kissing

[X] kissing in the closet

XYZZY a kiss that moves you

LLL Armwrestles for all

OOO~~~ Big hugs and large caterpillars for all

))) Smiles for all

TTT Trees for all

jjj gooses for all

JJJ big gooses for all

OOOXXXYYYZZZ This is illegal before marriage in nine states

OOOXXXyZZZZZ Still illegal, but generally not nearly as well received

[Wardad]

A Child's Prayer
One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on our porch this morning!"

[Wardad]

Girlfriend remote...

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000790.html

[mlmbd]

I like 'Remote' girlfriends!

LOL

mlmbd

[Wardad]

TEST: What the opposite sex is really thinking...

http://www.thehumorarchives.com/humor/0000579.html

[ February 21, 2003, 20:10: Message edited by: Wardad ]

[mlmbd]

Wardad, LOL Where do you keep coming up with this stuff?

mlmbd

[Wardad]

Originally posted by mlmbd:
Wardad, LOL Where do you keep coming up with this stuff?

mlmbd

A former co-worker has become a fat, divorced, depraved old man. He sends email to a audience of hundreds. I only post the softest of it here.

Relatives and other friends send some of the lighter humor.

Finally, I search for some of the humor.

Lately it's been quiet at work. Our latest IC for the AGB-XXXXXX was delayed a week.

Oh well, I think I will go run some tests on the AGB-SP that siting in pieces on the bench. Or maybe I'll put together one of the three PS2s and take it home for a while.

*******
Here's one for you mlmbd:

A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"

He says, "Put it between your legs."

"What about the smell?"

"Hold its nose."
***

[Kamog]

Originally posted by Wardad:
Lately it's been quiet at work. Our latest IC for the AGB-XXXXXX was delayed a week.

Oh well, I think I will go run some tests on the AGB-SP that siting in pieces on the bench.

What is an AGB?

[ February 26, 2003, 04:44: Message edited by: Kamog ]