See You in the Funny Papers!

[Tim Brooks]

The Bar and Grill is the perfect place to start a thread about jokes, humor, and anything that makes you smile! I got this from Annettes post of the Police video (See the thread in this section on Preachin' the Word!).

So to start things off a joke that we published in the very first issue of the Frag! Newsletter:

A Captain walks into the Officer�s Club at Fort Bragg and orders a shot of whiskey. He drinks it down in one gulp and shouts, �All Generals are idiots!� A man in civies, setting at the end of the bar, looks over at the Captain and gives him a dirty look. The Captain ignores the man and orders another shot. When it arrives, he drinks it down and shouts, �All Generals are idiots!� The man in civilian clothes jumps up, runs over and grabs the Captain by the throat. In an angered whisper he says, �If I hear you say that again I�ll beat you to within an inch of your life!� The Captain, taken aback, asks, �Who are you, A General?� The man in civies replies, �No. I�m an idiot.�

Keep smiling!

[Annette]

But Tim, let's not get carried away...

With all the news on TV in the past year about the extreme weather conditions affecting our world - the tsunami in Asia and East Africa, the mudslides in the US, Middle East and South America, the hurricanes on the East Coast last summer, the flood that made it's mark on Southern England - along with the dire predictions made by such films as The Day After Tomorrow, we shouldn't forget those less fortunate than ourselves. Even Sweden has its share of devastating weather.

I've attached a photo illustrating the severe damage caused to my friend's home from a storm that passed through the south of Sweden last week. He sent me a note saying, "It really makes you cherish what you have, and reminds us not to take things for granted!" (Please click on "Attachment" in red at the top of this post to view the photo).

[Magnus]

Sometimes devastating storms like that hits Sweden Anette, much worse than those you have in US

[Annette]

Magnus said:
Sometimes devastating storms like that hits Sweden Anette, much worse than those you have in US

Must be! It's no wonder your taxes are so high - it must be quite costly to clean up the damage!

[Magnus]

Yes indeed One of the highest taxes in the world Ah well at least we can afford such chairs as that one

[Annette]

Now THAT made me laugh out loud!

[Annette]

This one's rather long, but I thought it was worth the read

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in Which to cook them?" And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light fluffy white cake and named it "Angel Food Cake" And said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy Center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And
Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. Then Satan created HMOs.

[Annette]

Always in search of humor, I'm bumping this thread to point out Richard's Blog posted today. He dug up a piece Tim wrote back in '99 or so. While I have to admit the longer we're married, the less I appreciate Tim's *humor*, this made me laugh out loud.